one might say we're banned from that church
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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