does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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