office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
