Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
