Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found the puke drawer
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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