Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
