is your mom at the bar?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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