I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
