Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
