I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
