i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
