he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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