what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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