i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
