dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
