just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
