I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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