Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
