So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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