hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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