I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When are your genitals available?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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