This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize