I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
