I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
