Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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