so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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