So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
