Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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