an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
