So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
