I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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