I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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