hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
