The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
