Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
