My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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