I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
