Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
