So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
