I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
