Got a toothbrush?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
