I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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