I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
