Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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