im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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