I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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