I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can vaginas get frostbite?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
