she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
