Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
