What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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