at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
