The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
be right there i have to get my cape
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
